Coming back down to Earth comes with a hard landing.

Yesterday morning I had to do one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life…

I drove for 3 hours 200 miles in the opposite direction my heart wanted to go in.  It was the single most painful thing I’ve ever done…but I’m sure it won’t be the last.

If anyone has ever been in a long-distance relationship, I’m sure you know exactly what I’m talking about.  It was all I could do to keep the car heading where I knew I had to go…all I wanted to do was turn the car around, drive back to his house and jump back into his strong, secure arms.

But, this is all part of growing up, and I have to be a big girl now and deal with it.

Right now, I’m dealing with it by listening to his Goo Goo Dolls Greatest Hits CD and crying like a freakin’ baby typing this thing up.

Hold on, before it’s too late, we’ll run til we leave this behind…
Stand on the edge with me, hold back your fear and see nothing is real til it’s gone.

Chatting on Facebook one night I expressed to him worries that I shouldn’t even be worrying about, sticking true to my nature of course.  He told me something that night that I’ve been clinging onto for comfort and to serve as a reminder to me…

Come back down to earth with me.
It’s all going to be all right.

God knows I needed to hear that.  He hates when I can’t stand to be away from him…but it just takes me a few days to adjust.  At least this time it’s easier; I’m getting used to the fact that Knoxville isn’t his home right now.

I guess now would be a good time to tell our story, from my perspective at least…I wish I could tell it from his point of view—he’s a much better story-teller than I am.

It all started last November when I ended my 2 year relationship with a previous boyfriend.  Rob and I were in the same French class, and we had chatted a few times after class and on Facebook, so we were decently good friends before we dated.

One night I invited him over to work on homework and bake cookies… according to him, we “found each other the sweeter sight.“  He’s right.

Our first kiss happened that night, too.  We were sitting on the couch, and having finished our hot chocolate and pumpkin cookies long ago, continued our conversation that started as soon as he walked in and my guard was down.  I was hugging a pillow close to me, and he noticed that I was doing so.  He was quite the smooth operator, leaned over to me and said he usually cuddles with people.  I, being the innocent naive one, allowed him to take the pillow from me and put his arm around me.  We started holding hands as our heads continuously got closer, and then we looked up at each other.

He kissed me, and my feet haven’t touched the floor since.

Oh, that man… I’m telling you it scares me…it scares me to death.  I can’t think of anyone else that I’ve been so attached to, where the moment we part for a long time I feel like a part of me is missing, where as soon as I see his face my heart skips a beat…

I’d give up forever to touch you, because I know that you feel me somehow.
You’re the closest to Heaven that I’ll ever be, and I don’t want to go home right now.
I just don’t want to miss you tonight…

It hurts.  I’m not going to lie…but I think it’ll make me a stronger person.  I never knew what it felt like for my roommate to do the same thing I had to do, but for an entire year.  At least he’ll be back in August.  If I can last that long, then I think I’ll be OK.

Can you feel the love yet?

So, on this lazy Saturday morn…erm… afternoon I’ve decided to dedicate this post to someone rather special to me…

Oh, here she goes, getting all mushy and crap again…

OK, so that first line was a bit cliche… sorry.  Anyways, I think Rob Williams has a lot of potential as a fiction/sci-fi writer, but that’s not what I’m posting today.  Today, I’m posting some poems he wrote for me because I really wanted to share them with you.    I’m just going to start copying and pasting… now.  (Check out his Deviant Art page here for fan fic, too)

Love You for Forever

Girl, I cant believe we got into this mess
it was just you and me
in my brown coat,
in your black dress.

So come hold me and kiss me, baby
take me back to when we had drinks in our hands,
we said
“yes, no, OK”.

Ive been trying to figure out what happened to us
how this all went to hell
were we in love
or was it only lust?

It’s killing us, to be together.
So just what can I do,
I won’t lose you for forever.

I love you. Yes, I love you
I’ll love you for forever.

I can’t stand it, the pain I’ve put you through
you left him
I stepped in
and now I’m stuck on like glue.

We got it wrong, went too fast
now we’re in too deep
just crawling our way
back into the past.

I’ll be here for you no matter what the cost
even It’s killing me now
we can start anew
not all is lost.

It’s killing us, to be together.
So just what can I do,
I won’t lose you for forever.

I love you. Yes, I love you
I’ll love you for forever.

Please baby don’t leave me here alone
I’m asking you
and begging you
don’t put down the phone.

I know you’re in your car
waiting in the rain,
trying to remember
just who you are.

But listen to me,
don’t give up the fight,
hang on
cause I’ll save both you and me.

It’s killing us, to be together.
So just what can I do,
I won’t lose you for forever.

I love you. Yes, I love you
I’ll love you for forever.

Just My Love

Hey, just a minute my dear
there’s something, I want you to hear
This thing is getting frightening
it’s struck me hard like lightning
But don’t panic, don’t you worry
cause we’re together and there’s no hurry

It’s just love, girl
nothing but love, girl
my mind goes in a whirl
when I think of you, girl

You know soon everyone will see
and they’ll have to just let us be
The world will marvel at our charm
when we dance, you in my arms
I’ll pull you in for the kiss
babe, you know there’s nothing as great as this

It’s just love girl
nothing but love girl
my mind goes in a whirl
when I think of you girl

I can’t describe to you nice
it feels to me, my mind and body melted like ice
I don’t what I was before
but now it’s clear to me, I’m something more
I’m not afraid anymore, I’m just fine
cause you are there for me, my baby, mine

It’s just love girl
nothing but love girl
my mind goes in a whirl
when I think of you girl

Another World

Do you remember babe, it was after nine
I came over to chat
and then we lost track of time

It’s really funny, looking back to that night
you and I were baking cookies
but found each other the sweeter sight

We also had to do some homework
but I forgot about my back
when you gave me that little smirk

There wasn’t any thought to it
just you and me
you put me on like a perfect fit

I can’t explain the feelings I felt
the sight I saw
when your blues eyes made me melt

I started to wonder was I still alive
you’re too beautiful
could it have been a dream, a lie?

If I had tried, I couldn’t have let go
you grabbed my hand
entranced me, mesmerized me so

We talked for hours about everything
about life, religion, love
some how you just made my heart sing

For that night, my spirit was in whirl
we were in heaven, in space
we were visiting another world

No babe, I won’t forget the time or the place
when I lost all myself
inside your pretty little face

I’ll Dream of Helen

Girl there is this feeling I get when I think of you
I try to get by, go on, but its still rolling through
There’s this strong hunger in me that I can’t seem to feed
my parents, my brother, my dog wonder what I need

I know what I want, I know what I need
she’s the prettiest little blonde
eyes the bluest you’ll ever see
She makes me feel strong, she makes me feel weak
I can’t do a thing without her
even talk to her in my dreams

I’ve tried to get her off my mind and get back to work
but no matter what I do, all I see is her smirk
and when I’m driving down the road, I can hear her voice
and all the radio in the world, she’s my first choice

I know what I want, I know what I need
she’s the prettiest little blonde
eyes the bluest you’ll ever see
She makes me feel strong, she makes me feel weak
I can’t do a thing without her
even talk to her in my dreams

So she called me up to day, I was so ecstatic
said she had to see me soon, she was so emphatic
you know you’re special when you make someone jump for joy
especially when she’s the type they fought for in Troy

I know what I want, I know what I need
she’s the prettiest little blonde
eyes the bluest you’ll ever see
She makes me feel strong, she makes me feel weak
I can’t do a thing without her
even talk to her in my dreams

She is my princess, my darling angel, yes it’s true
she filled my body with a passion I never knew
it’s so strange but before this I don’t know who we were
feels like I’m running in circles, til I can see her

I know what I want, I know what I need
she’s the prettiest little blonde
eyes the bluest you’ll ever see
She makes me feel strong, she makes me feel weak
I can’t do a thing without her
even talk to her in my dreams

So I’ll go home tonight and wrap in up in covers
and I think about how someday we’ll be great lovers
Hel, you stole something that I only share with a few
it’s my only heart, and when I sleep, I’ll dream of you!

Same Old

We never thought it could happen
but time has flown by and it’s getting old
We can feel the mystery is gone
and all the little puzzles have been solved.
Yet I’m still here thinking about you;
you’re still thinking about me.
I know they said it wouldn’t last;
that spark between us would burn out.
But I realize there’s still more to do.
I’ve been thinking of you today.
You know getting you was so hard,
but that was merely half the battle.
Honey, I’m staying until the end.
I believe we can make this happen,
since honey, I’ll always love you!

Isn’t he just amazing?!  I think so, too

Fashion police finally arrive in Tennessee

It’s true.  The saggy pants bill (love the puns in the headline) will fine anyone caught with their pants down, revealing their boxers, briefs, thongs, or should some dare to go commando, derrieres.

Honestly I think someone should’ve done something about mullets, but that’s another day.

Absolutely cracks me up… no pun intended.  For once Tennessee is taking fashion seriously, however, I believe the government has some more important issues to worry about.

Butt out, legislature!  Seriously, aren’t there other more important issues to tighten up and fix besides low-riders?

Oh, but on to more important news… I saw this via Twitter, and mark my words, it will eventually get to the boondocks of East Tennessee.  Perhaps we finally have the upper-hand on the fashion world!  I would like to see the legislature take a stab at covering THAT underwear up.

No, seriously though, since when has the state of Tennessee gave a crap about fashion?  I mean, yeah, it’s disrespectful sometimes and very distracting to others when someone’s red-hot flashy underwear shines above their Calvin Klein’s, and it’s even more disgusting to see a piece of thread pulled a tad too high, but seriously?

Aren’t there more important issues to deal with like the economy’s effects on University of Tennessee budget cuts, drugs and violence?  Whatever happened to freedom of expression?  I mean, if I remember history correctly, I believe there’s that bit called the Bill of Rights in the Constitution somewhere, no?

At least they’re trying to protect the state’s integrity… but honestly I think it’s backfiring.  Get your priorities straight.

That’s all for tonight.  I might post some new links for kicks tomorrow when the new Metro Pulse is available.

Peace out.

Climbing back on top

So lately I haven’t had much of a drive to do anything that I used to do.  Before Thanksgiving, I seriously kicked major bootay.  After Thanksgiving, I realized something that I hated (and still hate) about myself:  I depend on those twirpy little twats that have testosterone pumping through their veins, otherwise known as the male species.

Hello.  My name is Brittney Moore, and I have a problem… I am addicted to guys.

Now wait a second, I don’t want to send out the wrong message — I am in no way a whore.  Nope, nada, no way sir.  I stick to one man at a time and am quite the loyal girlfriend.  All I’m saying is that I never had the chance to adapt to that mystery called the single life, and I take all the blame for it.

It was my mistake… but my favorite one at that.

Do you hear Sheryl Crow in the background now?  I do… “You’re my favorite mistaaake…”

Cool beans.  First step done, now to do something about it.

There is no way that I would trade my amazing man for anyone else in this world, please understand that.  In fact, I give him full credit in almost single-handedly helping me realize my fear of being alone, or at least taking it head-on to get over it (thank God that he’s a psychology major, right?).  Just by being half a state away from me during the summer was something huge that I had to get over.

But I’m finally getting over the fact that he’s at home, and I’m stuck here… without him.

Oh cry me a river… oh, wait, I already did…

Something hit me in the face this evening when I was talking to my mom about all of this.  I realized that I didn’t have my drive anymore; nothing seemed to matter to me no matter how much of an impact it had on my life.  I didn’t care about class, work or even my own health.  I had lost that drive to stay on top and ahead of the game slowly over the course of one year… It’s amazing how much drama a few people can cause.

But, I’m over it.  I’m done, and I’m climbing back on top.  I’ve got my to-do list for the summer… and hopefully I’ll stick to it for the rest of my life.  It goes something like this:

1. Get confidence/self-esteem back.
2. Reach 120-130 lbs.
3. Gain back my muscles!
4. Figure out my major (journalism vs. graphic design)
5. Run two miles (or three) straight.
6. Learn to live without a guy… or at least stop being so needy for one’s attention.
7. Go to eating all-natural/raw foods.
8. Go without wearing make-up for a week (I know, it might have an effect on #1 but it saves time in the morning!).
9. Learn to ride a bike in traffic.
10. Get tan (I’m white as a ghost, dearies.).
11. Take a fitness class (I’m feeling yoga, kickboxing, pilates, cycling…)
12. De-stress my poor little self!

Seem reasonable?  I think so, too.  Plus, I hear guys dig self-confident women. Rawr.

I am climbing back on top.  The butt-kicking me is back, baby, and as fierce as ever!

Is my life a movie and I just don’t realize it?

It always seems that my life plays out like a never-ending romance comedy, you know, like the ones Drew Barrymore always play in—at least I’d like to think it does.  Perhaps I’m too dramatic.

Why is it that when we let go of something, or try to, rather, we can’t seem to truly and honestly completely let go of it… especially if that something used to be a huge part of us?

What if that something isn’t a “thing,” at all, but a person?

It just seems that lately a lot of my time has been spent trying to maintain friendships with everyone around me before we all move our separate directions when the semester ends.  It seems that something keeps haunting me…

…those little, “What if?” questions seem to always flutter around in my mind.

No, I have no regret nor will I ever for how I’ve lived my life.  Sure, I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but I don’t regret them.  Mistakes are just tender learning moments in our lives that we can look back on and hope to God that our children and grandchildren (and great grandchildren if we live that long) will never find out about them.  We find elderly people to be wise for a reason—has your grandparent ever once told you about getting drunk that one night or totaling their first car?  Not unless they’re teaching you something, and they need credibility to prove that they know what they’re talking about.

But then, those little “What if?” thoughts in my mind go away when I’m comfortable with myself and accept things for the way they are.  I know things will never be the way they used to be, and I’m OK with that.  Really, I am.  Some things are meant to be, and others are like fireworks; they quickly fly up in a spectacle in the sky, light up for a short while, then gradually dim and fall back to the Earth as we all watch from below.

Some things become nostalgic memories we’re fond to look back on and cherish, but we know that our lives can never be the same again.

I visited the other side of the tracks

You know that old saying, “The other side of the tracks?”  If not, it’s kind of like saying “The grass is always greener on the other side.”  It’s pretty much along those same lines.

Anyways, I saw first-hand in my backyard that it’s literally true:  sometimes depending on what side of the tracks you live on can make a world of difference.

Right now, a portion of Interstate 40 running through Knoxville (conveniently located next to the exit I take to go home) is going through Hell and back, otherwise known as “Smart Fix 40.” (Might I add that someone changed the name a bit… it’s a tad vulgar to put on here, but it’s a play on another word beginning with “f.” Let your imaginations run wild with that one.)  The locals, i.e. myself, absolutely love construction around here… especially when you take the wrong exit and end up in the ghetto side of town.

I’ve done this twice.  I hate road construction, traffic, and basically any obstruction that lies in my path.  I’m a fast driver, I speed, and I like to get places as efficiently as possible.  In other words (but some might disagree) I’m a smart driver.  My brother once told me that there’s a difference between being a smart driver and a careful driver.  This, I’ve witnessed, has truth to it.  Hesitation kills, people.

So, when I took the wrong exit my mistake put me in a sketchy, shady, ghetto part of town.  At first, I was a bit scared—I’m a young white female driving alone in her probably-not-so-hard-to-break-into car—but after realizing that most of the people living there wouldn’t harm me, I didn’t feel so scared anymore.  Instead, I felt sadness rush over me.

There are so many homeless people right across the tracks from me, and I do nothing to help them.  Instead, I complain that I don’t have enough money for all the luxuries I want to afford, but I’m fine.  I have parents that help me out, friends to confide in, food to keep me more than satisfied, stylish clothes to wear, shelter over my head and a car to get me places I need to go.

They have nothing.  If they have anything at all, it’s perseverance.  I’ve never had the opportunity to test mine—I mean really, really to truly test my perseverance.  Quite honestly, I have high respects for them because I know they’re stronger people than I could ever be.

My whole life I’ve been pampered.  Everything has been provided for me on a silver platter.  It’s all been so easy so far in my life, but I know a time will come when I won’t have my parents or friends to help me out… and I’ll be on my own.  Then, my perserverance and strength will be tested.

Sometimes the not-so-green grass on the other side of the tracks can teach us something about life; it can make us realize what the most important things in life truly are.

I found my alter-ego in a tween book

No, not Twilight.  Vampire romances never bit me.  I’m talking about an awkward teen in England that goes by Georgia Nicholson.

She shaved her eyebrows, went to a party dressed as a stuffed olive, but most importantly she taught me to laugh at my own self more while comforting me that I’m not the only person in the world that confides in my cat because that’s the only one that can understand me (sometimes, at least… sometimes even the cat can be heartless… does that make sense to anyone?).  She taught me the terms “sex god,” “have the painters in,” and “how’s your father,” and ultimately helped me to feel less awkward around guys.

I rediscovered my love (not of the lesbian kind, but one similar to a “man-crush”—I have a wonderful boyfeller) for Georgia when my English professor gave us an assignment to imitate an author of our choice, as long as the chosen author didn’t write poetry or plays.  It took me a while to decide on the perfect author for me—people threw out suggestions like Fitzgerald, Hunter S. Thompson and John Updike—but then a comment from an old friend on facebook reminded me (indirectly) of Louise Rennison, who wrote the series “Confessions of Georgia Nicholson,” and the first book is titled Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging.

This character, although fictional, is probably my “twin.”  Please, just find the book and read like, the opening page.  You’ll see why I say she’s my alter-ego.  We share so many similarities, except I suppose I’m a more mature version of her.

Georgia experienced seriously awkward moments in her life while she was growing up, and God knows I’ve had my fair share of “awkwardosity.”

She may have a 3-year-old sister that peed somewhere in her room, but my roommate has a Yorkie that can’t control her bowel movements… particularly in my room, for whatever God-forsaken reason.  She’s French-savvy (to some degree), and I struggle with it somewhat.  But I’m good with coffee.  I’m devilishly good with coffee.  In fact, I’m “double cool with knobs” when it comes to coffee.  Georgia’s so-called best friend, Jas, started a rumor that Georgia is a lesbian (which isn’t true, mind you), and my roommates nicknamed me “Shitney,” because of wonderfully awkward moments, a.k.a. dumb blonde moments, that I have from time to time.  I should probably also explain here that we have our own language called “shanguage,” that replaces the first two consonants in a word with “sh-.”  My name is Brittney.  Just think about that one a second.

So, here’s to you Georgia Nicholson.  May we meet someday in another world.

My home is down(town)

So I’ve been wanting to blog for some time now, and I recently just posted one I started working on… Wednesday I think?

Eh, anyways, I have to say that today was a good one. Fridays always are for me. I was supposed to take an oral exam in French, but unfortunately it was postponed until next week. Unfortunately, our professor has strep throat. Which sucks. Big ones.

So, instead of butchering the eloquent French language today, my other half and I spent some time in Downtown Knoxville before he had to go to work at 4. It was fun.

The first place I took him to was J’s Mega Mart (please check out the awesome blog entry on it) on Gay Street (which is NOT where a lot of homosexuals hang out, fyi).

This place, if I may say so myself, is freaking AWESOME. They have wigs. They have extensions. They have hats (see below).

Rob and I trying on hats at J’s Mega Mart in Downtown Knoxville

Trying on hats at J’s Mega Mart in Downtown Knoxville

Rob tried on a python cowboy hat at J’s Mega Mart in Downtown Knoxville

They have food, toiletries and home decor. It, in every sense of the phrase, is a mega mart. It’s a Wal-Mart not on steroids. It’s amazing. In fact, today was the second time I’ve been there this week; yesterday I went for work to compose a blog. Unfortunately, I can’t post it until I get pics on there. Meh.

{meanwhile on the farm…}

Speaking of Downtown Knoxville, I’m beginning to spend some serious quality time down there. I’ve always been a fan of old bigger cities (than Wartburg—anything bigger than Wartburg is a big city to me), but Knoxville holds a special place in my heart for sure. For years of driving on the Interstate to Dollywood from my hometown we would always go through a portion of Downtown. I can remember looking out the van window (we had an awesome ‘90-something blue Dodge Caravan. Word.) and wondered if the Sunsphere was a giant golden tee-ball Knoxville won for being awesome in the sport, and then I would look longingly to be amongst the old towering buildings and perhaps someday live in Sterchi Lofts.

My fingers are crossed that I might next year. With a cat. Possibly, MAYBE, a roommate, room permitting.

{sigh}

There’s just something about Downtown Knoxville that entrances me. I’m not quite sure what it is—the atmosphere, friendly faces, art, culture, businesses, extravagance of downtown living, old buildings, walking—but it gets me hooked every time.

I just feel grown-up down there; I feel independent and like I’m finally living my dream.. or one of them at least.

Looking back just even a few years ago on my life, my thoughts, my perspectives, I can remember an earnestness, this burning desire, to be downtown somewhere, anywhere. Granted, Knoxville is NOTHING like New York City, but it still gives that home-y downtown vibe.

{epiphany}

That’s it! Eureka! Downtown Knoxville feels like home, keeps me there, because it DOES have a home-y-ness to it!

{word}

Dang it, if I’m not meant for urban, city living then dang… If I can’t afford it I’ll just take a cardboard box with me when my lease is over. That’ll work. My gym has showers.

Looking through rose colored glasses

I had an epiphany looking at a dead rose today.

For Valentine’s Day, my sweetheart bought me a dozen roses. Almost a month later, I’m finally discarding of most of them, but I was thinking about saving a rose or two, so I began to compare each of them, looking for the best-looking one to keep.

I decided to keep three of them, and then I proceeded to take the petals off the blooms I decided not to keep. As I was peeling away one dried petal at a time, I noticed they kept getting smoother, sweeter smelling and brighter.

It reminded me of that phrase, “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” Although it looked dead on the outside, the dead petals were preserving the ones not yet harmed by the outside world; they were protecting its inner soul, keeping it as pristine as the day it blossomed.

However, not all of them turned out that pristine on the inside. One in particular looked more attractive on the outside, but on the inside it was brown and dead.

Once again, don’t judge a book by its cover.

Considering that, a comparison could be made between the dead roses and people. For instance, some individuals have a better outward appearance than an inner one. Some guys, for example, have the face of an angel but the heart of a demon.
On a better note, the opposite is true, too. When someone lacks in looks, usually their personality makes up for it.

The roses taught me that, or rather, reminded me of that conclusion I made a long time ago.

Another way of looking at it is that sometimes life and beauty can come from hard times, like dealing with death. Even the seed must die to grow into a redwood.

Sometimes before accomplishing our greatest triumphs we have to hit rock bottom to appreciate them more, to appreciate the struggle and hard work to get there.

That’s life for ya.

Letting go is the hardest part

Over the last month, my world has been turned upside-down and every which way imaginable.  Granted, it was I who put it all in motion, but I’m rather glad it’s all happened.

Learning isn’t always easy, especially when emotions are involved.  I’ve learned from seeing people around me, two in particular, that letting go is the hardest part of growing up.

But, if we dont’ let go, we never mature.  If we don’t let go, we never learn to walk on our own.  If we don’t let go, we never grow up, and we’ll continuously rely on others to make our lives easier.

Some people just never understand that concept until you ignore them completely.  No matter how much you try to explain it to them, they won’t let go.  That’s when all connections must be cut and let them learn the hard way.  That’s tough love.

Experience is the greatest teacher, and don’t let anyone tell you different.

Writers become immortal because they write.  Musicians become legends because they sing.  Artists become famous because they’re inspired.  Dancers become prima ballerinas because they practice.
All of the above require experience.  Experience requires making mistakes.  Mistakes give way to knowledge.

You can’t gain experience when you can’t let go…

I’ve had to make adjustments this holiday season.  Working an hour from home resulted staying in Knoxville three days out of the week and driving back and forth to spend time with my family just so it can feel somewhat like Christmas.  My roommates went back home in Middle Tennessee, leaving me all alone.

One thing I’ve learned from coming home to an empty apartment at the end of the day is that I need people; I thrive off of people.  Growing up in a family of five made me used to having people around, and being the youngest, I’ve seen my family of five transition to a family of three then to an empty nest.  It wasn’t easy, but I got used to being the only one around.

Now I have to get used to, if only for a short time, being the only one left in a “family” of four.

Perhaps this will prepare me for when I move to NYC and live alone until I meet the man of my dreams … I’ll look at it that way.  Maybe I’ll submerge myself so deep in my career I won’t have time to think about it when I’m climbing my way to the top to be editor-in-cheif of Vogue (granted, the magazine still exists in 10 years. Epiphany: I need to take web design classes).

Either way, being alone is something we all have to cope with at some point in our lives.  But, being alone gives you time to discover something about yourself you’ve never known before.  I’ve learned that being alone inspires me to write blogs like this one.  It gives me time to think, to consider events in my life and to reflect on them.  I have time to finish reading a book or get caught up on The Office.  Even so, I thought I’d be perfectly happy alone.  Instead, I’ve discovered that it sucks.  It sucks big ones.

It’s not easy, but it’s part of growing up.